So I did it!! I made it back to three classes last week! I missed the first two I had intended to catch and then I had a little chat with myself and just did it.
It all started with a Jam. I felt supported and loved, just like I suspected.
The part I was surprised about was, that I was still able to be with myself on my mat. That is what I love about Yoga, it is super social and tied to it’s community in so many ways, but at that same time it holds a space for you to be with yourself. I had forgotten that.
I was able to feel uplifted by all the lovely yogi’s that were there to welcome me back with open arms. I answered some questions about my mom, hugged a lot and had some good moments with others that needed “permission” to come back to their mats and could relate to my hiatus. But then it was just me and my mat…
It is amazing how such a vibrant energetic space can instantaneously transform in to a quiet space for you to catch up with yourself.
I focused on my practice, appreciated how far I needed to go to get back to where I was before I took the summer off. I celebrated what I was still able to feel strong about and I sat in the fire created by taking an extended break. It was all about me. It was my practice and I was able to set the tone and focus on what I wanted to work on and what I wanted to celebrate.
By the time the class was finished I breathed a sigh of relief, yoga hadn’t disappointed me. I loved it just as much as I did before my mom got sick AND I could be quiet and introspective without falling apart completely.
Not to say that I wont hit my mat and fall apart emotionally one day, but last week I attended three classes (that made me feel strong and confident) and (for now) I didn’t.
Yoga is definitely part of my healing team. I will use it to check in with myself and see how I am doing during my “year of first’s” I will use my mat to cope with the “first” christmas, mother’s day, birthday, death anniversary and any other day that I need to check on my healing heart and remember the quiet space that is always waiting for me on my mat.
Thank you Yoga, for reminding me that when I need to take a break again that you will be there when I am ready to return.