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January 2013

Connection: What does it mean to you?

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The impact of connection with yourself and others can be the difference between a happy, joyous life filled with love, and people who support and nurture you, or a sad, angry and resentful existence full of loneliness and wondering why.

For many years I lived a life without connection. I thought I was happy and joyful because things were going well for me. I had a great relationship, we travelled, we were great friends, we lived very comfortably, we laughed, we played, we had a great time together. I had a job I enjoyed, close to home, doing things I liked doing (I still have this job today and am working on ways to show up differently to make it even better). I was active in sports, running, doing triathlon, hitting the gym (again, still do these things daily, they make me feel alive). Through all of this, I felt alone. I never felt like I truly had friends of my own or connected to the people in my life. I had my sisters and family and a few close friends, but there was always something in the way. In fact, all of my relationships had something in the way. I didn’t understand. I could make friends easily and have a great time, but I never felt like I was connecting with them, or that I could hang onto these relationships  forever.

Through a separation, transformational work, 40 Days, and Your Life Design, I discovered what was missing in my life, what I felt was important to me, what I needed to have a happy, joyous and loving life. That was connection with myself and others. Turns out, I was afraid to let people in, to see me for who I really am. To ask for help when I needed it. I would give people a glimpse from time to time, but I would never truly let them in. This included my ex-boyfriend, my family, my friends and colleagues.

SunflowerWhen I learned how to let go of my resentments, and to love and accept myself for who I am, I started noticing a huge change in my life. I started feeling lighter, happier, peaceful and positive, more accepting of myself and the things in my life (especially burdens I created). I started asking my friends, family and colleagues for help, and the most amazing thing happened, they were all there for me. They all listened to me, made time for me, helped me through what I was going through. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed with this experience. It truly touched my heart and my life. I started coming out of my dark state. I started seeing a fuller social calendar. I started seeing easier times at work and with my family.

The conversation that had the most impact on my life was when my half-sister told me that she felt my connection with her for the first time in her life. That every time we’ve been together, we have both wanted to have a relationship/connection, so very badly, but something was always in the way. She told me that it was gone. I was so touched and happy by this statement and her vulnerability to share her true feelings with me. I will forever be grateful for her honesty. I soon started hearing very similar comments from other friends, and acquaintances. The love and connection I now feel for myself, my life, and my family, friends, PYC and colleagues, is incredible. Each day I learn something new, drop an old fear, let something go, live a rewarding life. I don’t know what my full purpose is on this journey yet, but I feel the picture will be revealed to me soon. I know my story is not true and I trust the universe to take me where I need to go. I am following my heart, not my brain. I am so excited to embrace my journey with love and open arms, because the changes I have chosen to create in my life, have exposed a vulnerability, and a side of me I saw, but didn’t know how to express. Never ever be afraid to be you, show your vulnerability or connect with the people in your life. The impact is life changing.

– Kyla Werrett