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Let the Fog Lift

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Fog has always fascinated me.

One moment everything in sight seems crystal clear and then in an instant the fog creeps up. Before we know it, we’re surrounded by this thick fog and can’t even see our own hand in front of our face.

Last night, in our Your Life Design meeting, the idea of starting something out of nothing kept coming up. Pretty daunting, right?

OK, I’ve got my big idea! It’s crystal clear and of course I’m willing to put it into action BUT… (cue fog)

I don’t know where to start.

And there I am again, big idea in my head, but frozen stiff in the fog. Paralyzed by the future and how on earth I am going to get from here to there. I was in this headspace last night for the first half of our meeting. Every answer to the questions being asked was “I don’t know” and all my best yoga breathing and reminders to let it be were not taking any of the frustration away.

The moment I put my hand up and shared that I was in a fog, it lifted. Just as quickly as it crept in, it seemed to vanish. My vision got clear. I started to see where I wanted to go, but more importantly, the steps I need to take to get there. What I’ve never realized is that EVERYTHING starts from NOTHING. I’m definitely not the first person to have an idea and not know how to make it a reality. It’s okay to admit you don’t know what’s next.

We can get so caught up in where we think we’re headed, that we lose sight of where we actually are in the moment. When I’m on my mat I have to remind myself again and again that the prize is in the process. It’s not all about getting to a certain expression in a pose, but enjoying each breath along the way. Last night I realized that it’s not all about getting to the end result, the goal, the destination because what’s the point of arriving if I haven’t enjoyed the journey? It’s about acknowledging the unknowns, letting the fog lift, and embracing each step along my path.

So this week is all about reminding myself to:

Come back to the present moment.
Take a deep breath.
Place one foot in front of the other.
Take today’s step (no matter how small it might be).
Trust that in the end, it will lead me where I need to go.

– Jenn Dwyer

Just look down…

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The ground is right there beneith our feet, always has been and always will be, but for me it wasn’t until recently that I finally looked down to notice it.  Moving away from my frieinds, family and my regular practice at PYC has not been an easy transition. I have spent the last 5 weeks stuck in my head, fantisizing about the future, day dreaming about the past, really just being anywhere my feet weren’t.  Naturally, as a very watery person, I thrive on the stability of my support system to keep me grounded and I litterally felt like my roots had been ripped out from under me.   I used to fantasize about how I’ll just go back and forth from my new house in Bowmanville to Mississauga…  Seems so easy right?  Not so right! I was living in an non-accepting, un-reality and I refused to believe that I am meant to ‘BE HERE’ in my new house.  I actually closed my eyes, my heart and my mind to the possibilities that surround me. I refused to see that something was and is HAPPENING! Suddenly, as my eyes began to open, I began to accept this change in my life.  I started to look around me, at the community I NOW live — the beautiful greenery, organic markets, even my amazing neighbors! I can finally feel the earth benith my feet and I’m no longer afraid to grow roots here… My body has calmed down, my mind has became less loud and I realize that if I want MY community I’m going to have to create it!   So, this is it…  Bowmanville is my new playground and these people NEED PYC Yoga! The only question is, is PYC ready for Bowmanville? Lol!!      ~  Debbie Smith

Failures happen…and?

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K & P Having an amazing experience at the Baptiste Immersion in Estes Park, Colorado

I just want to begin with, I consistently post…every six months.  However, this time I am not prepared to make some grandiose statement about how I am going to re-commit to posting regularly.  The truth of the matter is I am extremely busy, period.  Most days I am struggling with making sure my 6 year old has all of his homework completed, uniform washed and lunch + joke of the day ready to be scooped up in the morning.  And yes, of course I put little notes in my son’s lunch box every day…the only problem is now the entire class has come to expect a daily joke.  Does my life sound familiar?  I’m sure it does, because we are all leading these extremely hectic, chaotic lives that having us running non stop.  I should do some yoga and slow down, says the studio owner and ironically enough that has made the biggest shift in my life since coming back from Kenya this summer.  I have begun meditating every day.  Do I miss a day?  Of course!  Do I struggle with being still?  Absolutely!  Kinndli and I are working on grounding down to show up fully in our day to day lives and for me, it is working.

Masai Village, random pic of the last 6 months 🙂

Meditation, being still has allowed me to be less reactive and less judgemental of myself.  Failures happen all the time to me.  It could be something as big as leaving my marriage or as small as missing a meeting.  How we handle the failure, what we make it mean, is where we find our true self.  The only moment we have is the one we are in, and it’s already gone!  I have spent countless hours worrying about my failures.  Judging myself and making myself and others wrong.  It has been exhausting and I am over feeling bad and setting unrealistic expectations.  The last 6 months has been yet another amazing journey filled with many breakdowns, many failures and many things to re-commit to.  These days I choose to see everything and to really see the positive in all of the ups and downs.  Every single bump in the road has lead me to where my feet are today, and although I am still not done cleaning up the mess I have made of my life, I am happy to report that I have at least picked up the mop…and am holding it as I sit on my meditation pillow 🙂

Mumbo Jumbo

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It’s been over 6 months since the last post, and today is the day that I have decided to resurect the blog and recommit to monthly posts.  I have to thank my dear friend for her random call just at the perfect time that completely motivated me to get my act in gear.  Once a month is about all I can commit to, we’ll have to get Kinndli and some of our teachers on contributing as well 🙂

As I began typing my iPhone dictionary just flashed the word of the day – mumbo jumbo [MUHM-boh JUHM-bo] senseless or pretentious language, usually designed to obscure an issue, confuse a listener, or the like.

Hmm, today that word fits (I really only get the word of the day to improve my scrabble vocabulary, and electronic game of scrabble is a bedtime ritual in my house and falls just under prayers and at par with bedtime stories!).  This has been the year of MUMBO JUMBO – yes, we finally opened up our second location in Oakville and yes, Etobicoke is well on it’s way but these things are just that….things.  I can list off a whole bunch of accomplishments this year, but really does it matter?  I can fill this blog with a bunch of mumbo jumbo – but that’s not how we are going to roll today.

The only thing that really matters to me these days is my real life experience TODAY!  Maybe it’s my very recent experience of my miscarriage and Kinndli’s journey into motherhood that has stirred all of these emotions.  Maybe it’s been all of my studies under my teacher Baron Baptiste that has lead me here.  But in either case, it doesn’t matter who i’ve been or where i’ve been, what matters is how I am showing up today.  A really great friend of mine once said, “Yes, failures happen”.  It’s so simple a true.  It is just a failure, and nothing more.  Not everything is going to go exactly as plan.  Goal, dreams, aspirations are indeed important but sometimes the side roads are where we have the chance to learn and grow.

And boy, did we take the scenic tour in our attempts to open up the Oakville studio.  Right down to crying to the town building inspector, oh yes we pulled out the tears.  But boy has it been worth every single tear, confrontation (yep, Kinndli and I call eachother out 🙂 )and good old fashion blow ups.  Oakville has become an amazing community, and I would not change a thing about our journey here.

So where am I going with this post?  I think that this post may mean more to me than you but it is simple really.  Today, I am choosing to let go of the handle bars of life and let God, the universe, take over.  Clearly someone has a master plan for me these days and I am going to surrender to it, just as I have to surrender in my practice to my breath.  I am going to take life, my journey as it is meant to be experience every side road, every smile, every opportunity… simple breath at a time 🙂

And so it began……

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Kinndli and I were at TED-x Oakville yesterday and I turned to her and said, “Let’s start a blog to capture our journey”.  The response was “hmmm….okay….really?  Who reads that stuff anyways”.  Well today someone, and whomever you are I thank you, suggested that we start a blog.  So here we are, our first ever PYC blog.

I’ve wanted to start this to document our path, as it has been quite a year!  If you would have told me a year ago that if you soared out of your comfort zone you would find freedom I would have laughed endlessly.  Yet, here we are knee deep in freedom.

I’ll never forget the afternoon in late August ’09 when Kinndli and I started planning opening up a yoga studio.  I met her at Starbucks in Clarkson village, me in my business suit and pearls and her in her halter top suntanning.  I knew right then that I wanted to spend my afternoons working on my tan as my son plays in the park.  That is exactly how this summer went, working in the afternoons on our lap top, while sun tanning and watching the kids.

The intention of this blog is simple, to share the inner workings of PYC.  I have learned that the best way to grow is to share your experiences with everyone.  People ask me all the time what I do for work and I always answer I play at the yoga studio.  Kinndli and I work all the time, but it never feels like work.

I have no idea if anyone will read this, but if you do I hope you enjoy the journey through the eyes of both Kinndli and I.  Right now we are in the midst of opening up our second studio (third studio under PYC) and we are about to go back into KD mode.  Just our inside joke (KD=Kraft Dinner – which we really don’t eat) to say that, here we go maxing up our line of credit and credit cards again! Here’s the very first picture of our second space.  With the last studio we were painting, cutting trim and dragging sofa’s up the three flights of stairs.  This time the studio is on the ground level and we will have contractors do what they do best.  Although, I am sure we’ll catch Kinndli trying to assemble some type of Ikea something in her last month of pregnancy.

Here’s to new beginnings, new adventures and a brand new KICK ASS BLOG!!!

Until next time…P